Marko Jaric Assaults Philly Woman. Days With Adriana Numbered!!

Friday, March 13th, 2009 late in the whored-out afternoon while still at work by Moe

See the rest of the set here!

As you guys know, Marko Jaric, the pro-basketball player who's currently averaging about 10 minutes and just under 2 points a game this season for the Memphis Grizzlies, drugged Adriana on Valentine's Day & got hitched. The "honeymoon period," which typically lasts a few months, abruptly came to an end earlier today when SI.com broke some scandalous news about Marko. Here's an excerpt:

A Philadelphia woman has accused Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric of sexual assault, multiple sources familiar with the investigation told SI.com. The incident allegedly occurred in March when the Grizzlies were in Philadelphia to play the 76ers. [SI.com]

Bastardly Analysis
Since Adriana Lima commands Bastardly respect, we're gonna give Marko Jaric the benefit of the doubt & assume the woman doing the accusing is a gold-digging whorebag. Why would any man in his right mind go through so much trouble to court one of the most beautiful women in the world, only to end up taking a dump on his life just weeks after getting married by sexually assaulting another woman? It just doesn't make sense, damn it.

We have a feeling this Philly woman doing the accusing was either paid-off by some rich, impatient bastard who desperately wants to catch Adriana on the rebound or it's also possible that this woman's hatred for Marko Jaric turned her into a sadistic bitch. Here's how it went down: She first drugged Marko inside his hotel room and then took scandalous pics of him doing dumbass things with her.

UPDATE: FRIDAY, MARCH 13TH, 2009
Ok, so SI is now reporting that no charges were filed against Marko Jaric.

First, here's an excerpt from the SI.com article:

"I received official word from the Philadelphia District Attorney's office that after a thorough investigation no charges will be filed against my client ... in connection with the alleged incident with an unnamed female on February 11, 2009," said Jaric attorney Bruce Castor in a statement to SI.com.

"Persons in Marko's position are often the target of malicious statements and it is not unusual for the police to be asked to investigate. However, these allegations were proved to be completely false, and while Marko is extremely unsettled by these accusations, he is happy that the law enforcement authorities have cleared him of any criminal conduct and the issue can now be put to rest." [Read more]

Taking all this into account, it sounds like someone did an outstanding cleanup job to save Marko Jaric. One of four possible scenarios transpired:

Scenario #1: Marko fucked around & now paid off the gold-digging hottie from Philly. Anyone find a picture of her yet? We wanna do a Bastardly Matchup of her & Adriana (just for added effect to prove Marko Jaric's dumbass doucheness).

Scenario #2: Marko didn't do anything, but still paid off this bitch so she'd shut the fuck up & drop all charges.

Scenario #3: This is the least likely scenario. Marko didn't do anything & the police couldn't find any wrongdoing, so all charges were dropped.

Scenario #4: Marko's PR team, coupled with great lawyers & Eastern European mobsters paid off the cops, private investigators, the gold-digger & pretty much shut everyone up.

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