Ratings: Natalie Martinez
Thursday, August 5th, 2004 while eating a Bastardly Mercado Certified lunch by Moe
The Stats:
+ 6.25
+ 1.5 for being Cuban
- 0.75 for being so damn young
+ 0.5 future potential
_____________________
= 8.50 (yes, she ranks above Alba, boys & Girls)
Before I begin, let's pray to god that Natalie's mother has a long and happy life. Why involve Natalie's Mommy in my overly superficial review of Natalie herself? Well, apart from giving birth to Nat, Mommy Martinez is to thank for treating the world to the Natalie-Eye-Candy we so much enjoy on various billboards, magazines, & those strolls through Macys (she's the J-Lo spokeswoman). To put it simply, Natalie auditioned for J-Lo's spokeswoman search upon her mom's request. So: Muchas gracias, Senorita Martinez (that's in my thick, deep Spanish).
God 'O Mighty, when I saw this girl, I was thrown aback at first & then upon getting a hold of myself, I asked one question: "Is this girl Indian or Spanish?" I soon learned she's Cuban. Yes, Cuban. As we all know, supply of Cubans is already pretty low, so naturally when a Cuban Beauty is discovered, demand will be high. Simple economics, baby.
Lets go over the figure. This will be short as I cannot stare at her nearly-naked body @ work for too long without risking the Job-Axe meeting my neck. Here's a full body shot for your eyes:
minus 1 for being damn young!?!? woah woah woah...I'm giving that one back to her...she's a 9.25! Barely legal but atleast she's legal and not the dreaded "illegally cute" label....
that second pic of her....if she was giving us a lil peek at her goodies (ciara's fine!) that would be a masturbation moment.
She's the second best thing to come out of Cuba to my Cohibas...
TEMPTATION IS A SICKNESS!!!
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OOHHHH YEA....
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lol u wrote this 2 yrs, 2 months ago, and as of now, it appears she dated a guy from that 70's show, and she's one of the main characters in the new show called Fashion House. lol so I guess some of u're predictions came true.
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Per your request, I've deducted only 0.75 rather a full point for age. Age plays an important role only because she's more prone to making mistakes from a career standpoint when she’s young. Once she screws up her career early on, she'll resort to drugs & other paraphernalia & in the process screw up the hotness she possess today.
Age, in this context, has nothing to do w/ me having sexual relations with her. She is hot, alright. 4-5-6 years become awfully small as we age, so the age differential is meaningless today & in the long run.
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Dude, did you just unload or what?!
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her skin looks so soft and smooth in that first picture....just makes you wanna wrap her up and keep her in your pocket all to yourself...aaawwwhhhhh!!! *tear*
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So she is the Token hot chick in Death Race? Man, the years were not kind. I'll always remember her like this then. Or at least my cock will.
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