Wannabe Ruskie Jessica Alba Does the Russian FHM
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006 late in the whored-out afternoon while still at work by Moe

Rumor has it that these snaps come from an old Arena Mag shoot from last year...
First off, remember to vote for your favorite Hooters Girl in the Bastardly Hooters Girl Pageant. This is only Heat A. We're going until Heat E (or until it becomes annoying/boring).
- Lindsay Lohan Relaxes Her Boobs
- Jennifer Lopez Relaxes in Miami
- Elisabeth (The View) Explodes
- Bring Me Paris Hilton's Head on a Plate!
- Christina Aguilera Has Sex in Public
- Leelee looks sexysad
- Smoking weed in the big city! Owww!!
- Move Bitch, Get Out The Way
- Who Wants To Be a Tranny?...The TrannyCat Girls return...
- Lindsay Lohan cleans up her act, or at least her nails
- Paris Hilton Back with Stavros
- Barbra Streisand gets some plastic surgery
- Kristin Cavallari is dating some guy
- Mel Gibson Likes Dancing The Mambo Drunk
- ICYMI: Bush Finally Tackles Tough Questions
- Charlize Theron is Picture Perfect
- Dolce & Gabbana is So Gay
- J. Lo Drops Dallas
- Regarding Mel Gibson
- Jessica Simpson See Through Pictures
























I like this one too...Fine showing of chicks today....All we need is a BLOTD to top it off....
Reply to this Comment
Looks like some airbrushed shit.
Reply to this Comment
gorgeousss
Reply to this Comment
She is simply awesome!
Reply to this Comment
Looks like reused pictures from "Arena." I prefer her with dark hair.
Reply to this Comment
I'm not so sure she had a choice if she did this mag, just like she didn't have a choice to be on the cover of Playboy. Anyway, has anyone noticed how a lot of her old photos get used in mags like this rather than have her take new pics?
Reply to this Comment
Are you fucking kidding me she looks ugly on that magazine cover she reminds me of a baboon, long face and puffed out lips. That black eyeliner is ugly too. She dates Cash Warren who the hell is he? if she's so hot how come she doesn't date nice looking guys
Reply to this Comment
Oh Sherrie! jealousy is so unbecoming of you! And the only reason she's not with me is because I am not a celebrity and/or not rich. Maybe someday she'll relize she would rather have a simple life with me than the glam, slam, phony world of Hollyweird. And yes, the pictures do look airbrushed, but aren't everybody's in any magazine?? **She's still fine!!!!!!!!!
Reply to this Comment
I'd definitely piss in her ass.
Reply to this Comment
sheerrie firstly cash warren is actually pretty hot... secondly just because she doesnt date the richest best looking man in hollywood doesnt mean shes not great... if anything it makes her even better becuase it shows shes not a shallow bitch that cares about that stuff
Reply to this Comment
"Anyway, has anyone noticed how a lot of her old photos get used in mags like this rather than have her take new pics?"
I certainly have - it happens all the time. (And yes, those are the ones from "Arena" - I believe "DT" used them as well. For the record, Jessica's never done an exclusive "FHM" shoot... the one for their "Collections" offshoot doesn't count because I'm talking about the parent magazine.)
Reply to this Comment
ok acting, the body is nice but that face/666
Reply to this Comment
No hatin' or nething on Ms.Alba, just think she looked her best in Honey and Sin City. She was perfection then, utter, delectable, creamy, voluptuous perfection...but now *sigh* she really is too skinny.
Reply to this Comment
"Are you fucking kidding me she looks ugly on that magazine cover she reminds me of a baboon, long face and puffed out lips."
I want to know what kind of zoo you frequent, because if they have baboons at this zoo that look like Alba I be there in a friggin heartbeat with a banana and a tranquilizer gun.
Reply to this Comment
Caliban
“Are you fucking kidding me she looks ugly on that magazine cover she reminds me of a baboon, long face and puffed out lips.â€
I want to know what kind of zoo you frequent, because if they have baboons at this zoo that look like Alba I be there in a friggin heartbeat with a banana and a tranquilizer gun.
you said it, she looks great!!!!!
love you caliban! XO
and also, moe and jack!!!! ;) XO
Reply to this Comment
Caliban
“Are you fucking kidding me she looks ugly on that magazine cover she reminds me of a baboon, long face and puffed out lips.â€
I want to know what kind of zoo you frequent, because if they have baboons at this zoo that look like Alba I be there in a friggin heartbeat with a banana and a tranquilizer gun.
you SAID it!!!!! she looks great!!!!! although, no hating, i DO like my torso better but she looks awesome!!!!! good for her!
caliban you rock! XO
Reply to this Comment
ugh, im sorry guys i didnt mean to post that twice,.......must be a blonde thing!!! ;)
Reply to this Comment
You can see a picture of her in the Encyclopedia shes under the word Baboon.
Reply to this Comment
SHE IZ SO PRETTY !!
Reply to this Comment
dude, jessica. stop fucking dying ur hair blonde and stop asking for them to enhance ur nonexistant chest in these fuckin air brushed photo shots. stop getting pissed about people wanting to see u naked and then trying to look all sexy in ur prude ass photo shoots. because i know that if u ever did get naked everyone would puke from ur nasty shit colored boobless nipples and flat ass before they could even get a chance to jerk off. so stop being such a fucking snob, k? ur no better than anyone else. bitch.
Reply to this Comment
herez ur WANANBE SEXY PIECE OF CRAP!
http://gallery.jessicaalba.net/albums/candids/normal_swin8.jpg
THE REAL JESSICA:P
Reply to this Comment
lol she's gotta stop doing these shots, its not doing her any good.
Reply to this Comment
ew wtf? i was reading something on some other site then saw a link saying "jessica alba got ugly" so i looked it up. i never thought she was pretty in the first place. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK SHE'S PRETTY? IS IT BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE EVERY OTHER FAKE HOE IN LIFE? god i swear to god i have seen at least 15 faces in my lifetime that look just like her (no joke) in (real) life. one was chubby though (laughs). i also saw a commerical saying "who's the hotter jessica" the one off the last blade or jessica alba... my god dude i would so pick the chick on blade. at least she is different and somewhat appealing. personally i think she's a skank. if you want someone as fake as her or looks fake like her, go for britney spears... oh wait BRITNEY SPEARS TURNED INTO SOME EVIL HOE. SOMETHING SHE SAID SHE WOULD NEVER BE! I hope that happens to shitface here. that new movie of her really makes since. what an airhead. want someone real or decently more real look at angelina jolie. at least when i saw her boobs they were real in "taking lives". ugh people are such dumbasses. chasing after some fake ugly hoe that you think is an ideal. they need to completely take out every actress (except a few real ones like depp and jolie) and just start completely over. it makes me sick.
Reply to this Comment
Look at her expression in each of the pics - girlfriend's trying way too hard to look sexy..!
Reply to this Comment
# honey
herez ur WANANBE SEXY PIECE OF CRAP!
http://gallery.jessicaalba.net/albums/candids/normal_swin8.jpg
THE REAL JESSICA:P
------------
wow thanks that actually looked better than the pic at the top of this page.
Reply to this Comment
Please note: Do not use multiple nicknames & leave annoying, pointless comments that only attack other Bastardly Visitors. Also, blatant racial & sexual slurs for no particular reason will not be condoned. BREAK THE RULES: YOU WILL BE BANNED & appeals via email will not be considered. Before you comment, please be aware that no comments will be edited or deleted. Ever.
Lastly, if you have special scoop (i.e. scandalous photos, bastardly ex-girlfriends & boyfriends you want to expose, etc etc), please do contact us directly. You will remain anonymous!