Bastardly Run-on Sentence Review: 300 IMAX Version
Monday, March 19th, 2007 in the middle of the damn afternoon by Moe
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I haven't had to wait to get into a movie since I slim-shady'd my way into Phantom Menance with Photoshopped tickets (straight up James Bond style, baby) but the only redeeming factor was the fact that the chicks in the IMAX line were about 30x hotter than I've ever seen for a regular movie and that goes to prove another theory: Money follows hot chicks or is it the other way around(?), but regardless, getting back to the movie at hand, I gotta drop the bomb on 300, my friends, because I felt it was overrated on both counts---300, the movie and IMAX, the concept---BUT I'm glad I dropped $15 (ticket + small popcorn) to hit it up b/c now I won't have to go to another one for the rest of my life b/c let's admit it, large screens, at least in my opinion, reach a certain threshold of enormity where you just don't give a fuck about exactly how tall it is anymore b/c you just know it's fucking tall and move on from there, so yeah, besides screen size, please consider the following review disclaimer: as always, please don't take my review too seriously b/c if you go back into the archives, you'll notice my taste in movies is a bit abnormal and by abnormal I mean low budget and shitty, so 300 could just be a really great movie that I chose not to like b/c I traditionally side w/ abnormal (i.e. low budget & shitty) movies, but my reasons for pounding on 300 are somewhat legit in that it had some ultra cheesy dialog, a sub par story (even if it was based on a TRUE (my-fucking-ass) STORY which took place 3000 years ago) and just to prove my point, one of the most awkward scenes in the flick had to be that one scene the editing team forgot to throw into the trash---you know, the one where King Leonidas took 10 minutes to ask 15 of the Greek soldiers what their professions were to help drive home his point about how they are nothing in comparison to the Spartans b/c everyone knows that all members of the Spartan army have 16 inch penises and do nothing else during the day except have sex w/ really hot women, sharpen their spearheads, have more sex w/ more hot women & and then endlessly train to one day fight against million men armies---and that's just one scene that comes to mind, but some positives from the movie were all the baby-choker nipples that I'm pretty sure all those loving parents who brought their 8-year old kids were happy to see floating around on the screen b/c that hot oracle chick (Kelly Craig) & Lena Headey both had little chokers that would bring tears to even Bai Ling's eyes, but that's a whole another post in itself, so yeah, you should check out 300 if you fall into any of the following: if you really, really miss LOTR, if you're a chick who enjoys seeing nearly naked dudes with perfect 6-packs, if you're a gay homosexual (not that anything's wrong w/ that) who enjoys seeing nearly naked dudes with perfect 6-packs, if you enjoy extremely violent flicks with little or no story, and of course, last but not least, if you're a sick bastard who's tired of seeing Al Qaida sponsored beheadings posted all over the Internet, but if you're expecting LOTR-style epic combo of story & action, you'll be royally disappointed.
LOL you bastardly mofo said you Photoshoped your way into a movie. So fucken funny. Keep on the good laughs.
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Come on man! the movie was great! Did you expect a movie based on that fearsome battle to have no blood? It is the Number 1 movie in the box office and with many memorable scenes...
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300 tried to tell a simple hero story. That’s what the story is. To Western Civilization as a whole but especially to the Greeks. The film was made as an exercise in masturbatory homage to Frank Miller’s artwork. In that it succeeded. But there is no possible way to make that story into anything that today’s public would pay to watch, especially if they might learn something in an accurate historical context. Most, if not all, of the great historical figures were by today’s standards, morally reprehensible.
It's impossible to tell an Historically accurate account of anything that happened more than 30 years ago – and even that’s a stretch – without someone claiming racism or religious prejudice … etc. The list goes on indefinitely. The fact is what is unacceptable in today’s society was not only perfectly normal before, it was likely encouraged. Here’s a fun exercise; find anyone over the age of 35 who wasn’t raised in a major metropolitan area and ask them how many fag/nigger/jew/mick/beaner/dago/polack/retard jokes they remember. Then ask them who they learned them from. Were all those people bad? They may remember a few hate-filled people but I'll bet most were people they looked up to. It's good that the world has changed, bad that we're rewriting history to edit out the parts that don't mesh with our current set of standards.
I’ll bet there are people who chastise me because I used some naughty words in this post, even though they weren’t contextually offensive, y’know, like in Huckleberry Finn.
Oh, and in case anyone wants attack me I’m a liberal, ethnically Jewish, atheist man over 35.
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anyone that goes to this movie looking to be edified
is setting themselves up for disappointment
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300 served it's purpose of entertaining me for 2 hours on a Friday night, which otherwise I would have spent masturbating to Jessica Biel's ass tribute..... the movie deserved every penny of my ten bucks.
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Hardly anyone seems to notice that the entire story of the movie is being told by Dilios, the storyteller Leonidas sent back to inspire Sparta to stand and fight. Hence, everything is bigger than life and the story of the Spartan 'victory' is of mythic proportions. The Immortals became monsters, the beasts the Persians used were huge, and the enemy ‘god-king’ Xerxes was a giant. Ephialtes the betrayer became a twisted hunchback, arrows do in fact blot out the sun, and mighty King Leonidas is the last to die after showing that even a ‘god-king can bleed’ as he promised he would. So those who complain about the historical inaccuracies, those who spout on and on about how the movie is a pack of lies and say it's told like propaganda...are absolutely right. But at the same time, they've completely missed the point of the movie and narrative it uses.
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i like to watch movies where i don't have to think.
is that bad?
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I haven't watched the film yet despite i'm being Greek.But here in Greece they believe it's a very good film and they don't think that u've changed our history(cause we know that the film is based on a comic) like u did with the "Alexander the Great" film where u showed that he was a gay and believe me he wasn't(I'm from Thessaloniki,Macedonia and I was really pissed off about that).Altough here we believe that somethings should have been said in Greek like"Thermopiles"-"Hotgates","Come and get it(or something like that)"-"Molon lave" and "I tan i epi tas"in English means"U will come by carrying your shield(alive) or u'll be carried on the shield(dead)" and ofcourse some scenes should have been taken in Greece!!!!!! Good job though! And Xerxes wasn't a gay too and the people from Iran are pissed off of this too.......
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