Howard Stern

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For those who are super old readers (mainly Jackson & myself), you'll remember that we went through our Jillian Grace phase about 3 years ago when she would hit up the Howard Stern show every other week. Basically she's really hot & took everything Howard told her very seriously (i.e. find a rich dude, get him drunk, and have condomless sex with him).

She hooked up w/ David Spade after a Playboy Mansion party and is only a DNA test away from fat child support checks! Let's hope she has twins!!

Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace, 22, claims she fell pregnant with Spade's baby after dating him for a short period last year.

And the 43-year-old has vowed to support Grace if her claims of paternity prove to be correct.

He tells TMZ.com, "I had a brief relationship with Jillian Grace. If it is true that I am the father of her child, then I will accept responsibility." [Fox6 San Diego]

For all you girls who're hot & wanna make life a little easier, take notes from Jillian, damn it!!

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Danielle DeMarco

What's the team over there @ Howard.TV smoking?! You can't go from Joanna Krupa to this chick. I hope this isn't foreshadowing a year filled w/ skanky hos.

Anyway, check out the full gallery over @ their website & don't forget to give your rating (out of 10 stars).

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This was hosted by Shannon Elizabeth in Miami Beach on Dec. 30

Joanna's was Miss Howard TV model for the month of December 2007. Click the photo below for the entire gallery...

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Wilmer Valderrama was on the Howard Stern show this morning & my God! The dude let it all out. Because he had a very humble upbringing in Venezuela, he knows he's very fortunate, so taking that into account, Wilmer uses & abuses his position to land the hottest chicks around---something any one of us would do if given the opportunity.

Anyway, I'll shut up & let MarksFriggin' take over the show. I've grabbed the best bits from this morning's show for our archives, but you can read the entire show over here.

* Download an MP3 of Valderrama's Confessional Session!

First, Wilmer Valderama has had sex w/ the following women....:

1. Venezuelan whores when he was 14 & still in Venezuela
2. Ariana Richard
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Mandy Moore
5. Ashlee Simpson
6. Jennifer Love Hewitt

7-150. Random bartenders, strippers, waitresses & whoever likes money, Venezuelan schlongs & fame!

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One of our investigative reporters (yes, they are all over the place, so be wary) caught a few lovely pics of the beautiful Kari Ann Peniche of Miss Rebellious Teen USA & Playboy fame. We're in the process of getting a nice interview with this scrumptious beauty, so we'll be sure to ask a few questions linked to this minor incident. In the day & age of going out one week & getting engaged the next, a little making out, groping & sleeping around is absolutely minors!!! No worries, Kari Ann!

Our anonymous emailer wrote in with these conniving words:

I caught Kari Ann Peniche Miss Teen USA Playboy model out at a club in Corvalis Oregon enter with MTV Austin Real World Neimiah... they were tearing it upon the dance floor and making out the entire time! It was almost disgusting to watch they were all over each other! But the thing is her boyfriend Portland Club PromoterJB (also photo's attatched) had no idea because he was in Portland only 40 miles aways! I'm sure he'll know now! [Scandalous Reporter]

There are a couple more pics below---one's with her current boyfriend that was apparently taken @ another time, as mentioned above. Now, how did this emailer get a photo of Kari Ann w/ her man?! This entire email obvious sounds pretty damn shady, but we're posting it anyway b/c Kari Ann is super cute & useless gossip that probably 90% of you don't give a shit about is always fun to have, right?

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December 16th is the big day, my friends.

Remember to mark your calendars b/c on December 16th, as his final show comes to an end, Howard & gang plan to take a brief walk to Sirius studios in NYC. They were initially planning a big march, but things fell through on that front. Read more about the final show on his website.

So what can we expect from Howard now that he's going uncensored?! God, I get goose bumps just thinking about the endless possibilities. It will be like an unadulterated podcast with the super rich & famous, along with the usual hot women & of course, the hilarious freaks of society.

For all you media savvy people, you'll hear plenty more from Howard in the coming weeks b/c when Howard Stern wants attention, he gets attention.

Howard noted that the “60 Minutes� piece about the show will air this Sunday, while his “Today Show� interview will be broadcast next Tuesday and Wednesday. In addition, Howard said he's done interviews with reporters from “Esquire� and “Newsweek,� and that both of them will be on newsstands in the coming weeks. Howard also mentioned that he'll also be appearing on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,� “Saturday Night Live,� “The O'Reilly Factor� and “Larry King Live� before his move to SIRIUS in January.[Howard Stern.com]

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Kelly Monaco is another example of a wasted ass. There's always something fishy going on when you hear about super hot chicks hanging w/ guys who have very little to offer.

Kelly said that she met this guy she's with when she was 15 and he was about 18 and she hasn't been with anyone else. He has been with other women but she's never been with another man. Howard said that the guy must be super hot but Kelly said that he's really not. He doesn't have drugs or anything like that and she doesn't even drink these days. She said she did go through her drinking and drug phase when she was young, like 11 years old. [Marks Friggin'; Kelly Monaco Visits. 09/12/05. 7:40am]

She has to be hiding something---something big. For God's sake, she needs to hit up Maury Povich (if he was still on) and let the audience convince her into dumping this dude who sleeps around on her ass, while managing her millions.

Here's some more:

When she said that he was Puerto Rican, Howard and Robin asked her if she wanted to give them a secret message that she needs help getting out of the relationship. She said she's in the relationship because she wants to be, not because he's making her stay. She said that he's almost like an assistant for her and helps her handle her career. He takes phone calls and helps out with the stuff she can't handle herself. She said that they have talked about getting married over the years but they don't want to do it if they can't do it right so they just don't do it.

How do you stay together for like 15-years and still talk about getting hitched? What the fuck is this world coming to? Apart from the shadiness of her man, I still remain confused. Is he the bitch of the relationship or not? It seems as if she'll praise his ass one second & then turn around and say something like, "yeah, when I have a shit stain on my ass, I'll ask him to lick it off & swallow."

Kelly, dump the whorebag already & get yourself a real manager. Plus, you're a fruit that more than one man should be able to bite into. Get w/ the program, sistah!!

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Verne Troyer lives a scandalously big life for being such a small guy.

Howard has heard many rumors about Verne going to the Playboy mansion and getting some of the Playmates. Verne didn't want to talk about who he's had though. Howard wondered if Verne was married or something because he didn't want to talk about it. Verne said he's not married and some of the rumors he's heard are just not true. Howard said that he would brag about banging Playboy models. Mark said that it's not just one at a time that Verne has had either. Verne told Mark he was going to kick his ass. Mark held up 3 fingers when Howard asked how many chicks he's had at once. Verne said that it was 3 or 4 and there was another guy with him that night. He said the guy didn't do them at the same time though.

Howard heard that Verne isn't all that big ''down below'' but he thinks that he's probably bigger than him. Verne asked Howard if he knows what a baby's arm looks like, that's what he's got. Robin asked Verne if it was true that he had gone into rehab for his drinking. Verne said those were just stories. Mark said that Verne has the life of a rock star. [Read more @ Marks Friggin]

Well, Verne came in with producer, Mark Cronin, to talk about The Surreal Life's new season on VH1.

This season appears to be pretty hilarious after I watched a small clip (see link above) of Drunk-Verne pissing in front of some door in the house. Apparently he was pissed off at Chyna b/c she stole his room that had all the dwarfish furniture made especially for him. There's a second clip that shows two chicks skinny dipping & then Verne getting plastered to Mars. This guy was so fucking drunk that he was rolling over on to his back & orgasmically moaning in bed after being carried to his room in someone's arms like a little baby. You guys must watch the clips. All in all, Verne is seriously the lifeblood of the show because I didn't notice anything special about the other characters.

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Remember not to wake the neighbors!

Close your eyes. Yes, you. Close your eyes & have someone read this to you.

Scenario A: Imagine yourself at a regular party. Your friends are drinking, eating, smoking & just screwing around in general. People get drunk, a few even manage to pass-out and then soon the party fizzles out and everyone leaves. There's literally no climax. People just leave after a few laughs and drinks. The End.

Scenario B: Imagine yourself at a party. Your friends are drinking, eating, & hittin' the billy-billy-bing-bong. Similar to Scenario A, some people get drunk & even more get tipsy, but no one has time to pass-out only because out of the blue, a friend rolls out a huge black apparatus that ultimately takes the shape of a mechanical spanking machine---The RoboSpanker! I am a big fan of the world famous mechanical bull, mind you, but the RoboSpanker is tip-top! At first everyone remains confused, shy and even disgusted, but luckily you invited 'that' crazy girl who you knew would be down to be Spank Victim Numero Uno & help to open the flood gates for future participants. Now, I know all you girls just got crazy chills and goose bumps all over your bodies, but don't be too appalled. Those symptoms are perfectly natural and are signs of your subconscious desires to be RoboSpanked! (Maybe one or two light spanks?)

The point I'm trying to make above is that if you're in college or merely a bachelor who throws crazy parties with any type of clientele (rich, beautiful, ugly, young, old, whatever), you must order in a RoboSpanker and spice up the life of your party. It's one of those long-term investments that will pay itself off in endless nights of crazy-western-sex with women of your choice. Ok---ok, maybe I took it a bit too far, but if not sex, I'm sure you'll get to see plenty of booty! [Remember, 'booty quality' is entirely contingent upon who you invite, so keep that mind if you want to break out the RoboSpanker. You don’t want a 500-lb Monica Lewinsky jumping on and scaring away everyone even before the RoboSpanker has a chance to warm up.]

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