The Serious Bastard
In Nobody Cares News...Bollywood Hasbeen Shilpa Shetty Got Engaged!
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 while eating a Bastardly Mercado Certified lunch by Moe
These were snapped a couple days back in Mumbai, India.Branded in the hasbeen flames of superficial Bollywood, Shilpa Shetty is probably one of the more skankier Indian imports to hit U.K. shores. Taking her skanky-ho nature into account, I'm pretty sure this dude has the ego the size of India b/c he has to counter Shilpa's own ego, which isn't exactly small.
From The Bastardly Society: George Carlin Dies
Monday, June 23rd, 2008 after a late four martini lunch by Moe
Post your favorite memories below or at the Bastardly Society.
Here's his updated Wiki:
George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008)[17][18] was a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author.
Carlin was especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven Dirty Words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5-4 decision by the justices affirmed the government's right to regulate Carlin's act on the public airwaves.
Carlin's most recent stand-up routines focused on the flaws in modern-day America. He often took on contemporary political issues in the United States and satirized the excesses of American culture.
He placed second on the Comedy Central cable television network list of the 10 greatest stand-up comedians, ahead of Lenny Bruce and behind Richard Pryor.[19] He was a frequent performer and guest host on The Tonight Show during the three-decade Johnny Carson era, and was also the first person to host Saturday Night Live. [Wiki]
Marissa Winokur Caught A Mouse
Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 late in the morning while chugging coffee by Moe
Using Star Jones as a role model, Marissa Winokur has found her soul mate (a.k.a. prisoner). I can understand her excitement, but a moment of silence goes out for the dude.
Scandalously Related Stories:
What Really Happened To Natalee Holloway?
Saturday, July 23rd, 2005 while eating a Bastardly Mercado Certified lunch by Moe
A recent commenter has officially cracked the case. Erin writes,
My theory is that Natalee was with those three guys and after getting drunk with the guys, Natalee went to the beach. At the beach she had rough unprotected sex with all three guys at once or with one guy at a time. After they all cam inside her they got up and left. Natalee was lying on the beach naked at that point, now too tired and exhausted to move after the gangbang. Later, a great white shark may have appeared out of nowhere and took a bite out of Natalee and pulled her into the ocean. She has probably been killed by now by the shark somewhere in the ocean. No evidence of Natalee has been found because all the blood, sperm and any DNA had been washed into the ocean by the waves after she was killed by the shark. I am very sure this is exactly what happened, nobody can be convicted in this case because their was no evidence. [Erin, Bastardly's Natalee Holloway Post]
So in a few words, Natalee had lots of sex or was a victim of a brutal gangbang courtesy of three bastards & then a shark ate her thereafter, taking all the evidence with it into the ocean.
Erin, you're a genius. If you would like to share your personal theory of what transpired the night of her mysterious disappearance, please do so below. This might help the Aruban Police Force to crack the case b/c at the moment it appears that they are too busy patrolling Aruba's red-light district w/ their pants down.
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102 Minutes On Radio Reader With Dick Estell
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005 late in the morning while chugging coffee by Moe
Have any of you been following this book on the radio? I think I might have to grab a copy from Barnes & Noble b/c I always catch the butt end of the show and am left hanging when Dick Estell says, "Once again, our 30 minutes have expired." I cringe w/ displeasure when I hear those words b/c I'm forced to actually look forward to the next day of work. Imagine that.
Even though Mr. Estell is an expert @ reading books on the radio, I have to admit, the book does a wonderful job in putting names behind the people in those buildings & it brings into light that each one of them has a unique story.
The Queen Survives London Terrorist Attack!!
Thursday, July 7th, 2005 while eating a Bastardly Mercado Certified lunch by Moe
I know I speak for the whole nation in expressing my sympathy for all those affected, the relatives of the killed and injured. I have nothing but admiration for the emergency services as they go about their work. [AFP via Yahoo!]
Has this lady ever seen a subway in her life?
Also, was the fatass crown really necessary for the press conference? I'm sure the people who've lost love ones or are sitting in the ER w/ injuries love seeing her wrinkled ass all decked out in $3million worth of jewels.
Anyway, damn the members of the The Secret Organization of al-Qaida in Europe! The department within this "secret" organization really needs to think of a better name. I'm sure something shorter or possibly a creative acronym will work & of course, save time & ink all over the world?
Natalee Holloway....One Happy Island?
Friday, June 3rd, 2005 early in the evening, before sex by Jackson
We know I love Aruba but wtf when a tourist disappears?!?!!? The only crazy mofo on Aruba was Sidney Ponson but besides that this is a pretty f-ed up situation!!! Let's hope and pray for Natalee's safe return....
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The Pope Has Left The Building (at 84)
Saturday, April 2nd, 2005 in the middle of the damn afternoon by Moe
The Holy Father died this evening at 9:37 p.m. (2:37 p.m. EST) in his private apartment. All the procedures outlined in the apostolic Constitution `Universi Dominici Gregis' that was written by John Paul II on Feb. 22, 1996, have been put in motion," Navarro-Valls said. [Yahoo]
We all know where this guy's going, so no worries.
The Pope...Gettin Worse Each Minute
Thursday, March 31st, 2005 early in the evening, before sex by Jackson
The Pope's Sick Days, Teri Schiavo, & Johnnie Cochran
Thursday, March 31st, 2005 late in the morning while chugging coffee by Moe
Those 3 beautiful people are either dead, clinically dead or about to die.
So that brings up the bastardly question: Is the Pope out of sick days & vacation days?
Dude, that guy didn't attend the Easter functions, has already missed out on a lot of weekly prayers & he's simply not providing his people the services they deserve. Is the job just damn easy or is it, God forbid, unnecessary?! After all those sick days, the pope still has his love-pad that has suddenly morphed into a fucking hospital room & odds are pretty good that his Popespital is probably far-far better than hospitals you'll find in Africa or Iraq.
If that's not enough, the guy comes out and makes a hypocritical declaration after he gets 'tubed'.
Pope John Paul II has stunned Catholic health care providers, ethicists and theologians by announcing emphatically that it is "morally obligatory" to continue artificial feeding and hydration for people in a persistent vegetative state, even if they remain so for years. [USA Today]
I could agree with this statement if there was a chance of the guy getting back on his feet, but let's admit it, the Pope's time has come. If he's so damn close to God, then why is he insinuating fear of calling it quits in this world & taking a trip to the brighter side?
Come clean, Mr. Pope! Come clean.
