Moejackson - Celebrity News and Gossip
August, 2005 FHM: Jenny McCarthy Digs Amateur Porn. Ow!
Monday, July 11th, 2005 late in the damn evening, after tantric sex by Moe
I'm sure there are many chicks in Jenny's boat. We know you're out there, so don't be shy. Give us your story, so that girls all around the globe can learn about video taping their personal sexapades.
Aside from the issue of creating homemade sex videos, let's talk about something totally unrelated: Airbrushing! FHM must have an amazing airbrushing department b/c Jenny McCarthy seems to look 22 all over again.
Some possible airbrushing guidelines for the industry:
1. Airbrushing nipples out of extremely provocative photos doesn't suddenly make that photo acceptable for all ages. In other words, leave the nipples, you airbrush whores.
2. 5-years is the max amount years that can be airbrushed off of a has-been hottie.
3. A set limit to the number of natural marks (moles, minor scars, freckles, etc) that can be airbrushed from a certain hottie, has-been hottie or potential hottie.
Feel free to give your own opinions. Now for some heavily airbrushed photos of Jenny McCarthy. Airbrushed or not, let's admit it, the woman is hot.
Bastardly Run-on Sentence Review: Kill Bill Vol.1
Monday, July 11th, 2005 late in the damn evening, after tantric sex by Moe
This is the first Run-On Sentence Review. Be expecting these Run-on Reviews from the other two bastards as well. My apologies for these three extra sentences.
Run-on Review on Kill Bill Vol. 1
So yeah, fucking Blockbuster sent me Vol. 2 a month & a half before, so I waited and waited hoping that Vol. 1 would show up, but nothing, so last Wednesday I sent Vol. 2 back only to get Vol. 1 in the mail on Friday, so a Big Fuck You goes out to Blockbuster & the stupid whoreassbitch who was sitting on Vol. 1 for 3 months, but apart from that bullshit, I managed to watch Vol. 1 last night & was literally in awe of everything from the story to the dialogue to the violent chicks (especially the French/Jap chick), but before you judge my tastes, you have to understand that one of my all-time favorite flicks is Pootie Tang, so yeah, rent this flick, but remember to return it quickly!
Sexually Deprived Magic Johnson Gets Stripper Treatment
Monday, July 11th, 2005 while eating a Bastardly Mercado Certified lunch by Moe
I feel for Magic. I really do.
He must have so much pent-up sexual tension that it's not even funny. It's possible he hits up red-light districts around the world to get some play, but it's very clear by his facial expressions that the guy reeeally enjoyed the BET awards.
With all his wealth & power, it's sad that he cannot freely have sex with 100s of women like every other NBA player (current & retired).
Just take Michael Jordan & his "basketball camp" (a.k.a. "Excuse to be around hot, drunk girls Camp"), for example. I've heard rumors that the guy hits up Santa Barbara parties once girls are wasted & takes care of business that way---I'm talkin' huge orgies here, people!! So yeah, if you see mulatto kids running around the beaches or ballin' it up on the courts in SB, it's a pretty good chance that he's got some MJ in him.
Ok, enough bullshitting about Michael Jordan. Below is a small collection of some hot, lap dance photos from the BET awards. Enjoy!
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Jackie Guerrido on Sabado Gigante...ow!!!!!!
Monday, July 11th, 2005 in the son-of-a-bitch, bastardly morning by Jackson
Jackie looks so damn smokin.... gaaawwwdddammmm!!!!!!!!! Watching the clip as she worked it down the catwalk only helps to exponentially increase her level of hotness...ow!!!!
Zhang Ziyi Meets The (Really Tan) White Man
Monday, July 11th, 2005 in the weewizzle hours by Moe
On one side you have the most flawless skin & on the other you have Lindsay Lohan's lost father who has apparently spent a little too much time @ the tanning salon.
On that note, here's a photo of Lindsay Lohan after being trapped inside a tanning bed for what appears to be a few....days.
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Jay Leno Is A Horny Bastard
Sunday, July 10th, 2005 late in the damn evening, after tantric sex by Moe
I don't blame him. I think I would jump all of Jessica Alba, so Jay's showing a lot of composure.
But that doesn't mean he's not a dirty, scandalous man. The guy stares down guest boobies every night of the week & it's shocking to me that no one has ever gotten pissed on air. It's safe to say that Jay Leno uses his power to take a few of his hotter guests for a ride on his own little Harley. Damn him.
Kaysar From Big Brother 6
Sunday, July 10th, 2005 around evening with martini & women in hand by Moe
This guy's definitely not representing the Iraqi or the Muslim communities.
When CBS handed him the questionnaire, he could have at least bullshitted his way through it. It's possible that Kaysar was scared of his overly oppressive & religious family finding out about his western tastes & that forced him to take the 5th on 90% of the questions.
We forgive you, Kaysar.
Cheapass Mariah Carey's Whore Of A Sister
Sunday, July 10th, 2005 in the son-of-a-bitch, bastardly morning by Moe
She shockingly confessed she started selling her body as a teenager and that her prostitution paid for limousines to take Mariah to her early shows.
In the early 1990s, Alison was so broke and drug-addicted that her mother got custody of her son.
Alison gave birth to another boy and spent years in welfare motels and sleeping in cars She later lost custody of that boy as well.
In 2000, Alison attempted to sell a tell-all book about her life and her famous sister, whom she called a "vain and heartless multi-millionairess" [Female First] via [Particularization]
What the fuck? One sister is a millionaire popstar & her elder? A (cheap) ho.
I knew Mariah had a shiesty, cheapass side! Seriously. It seems Mariah has mastered two arts: The art of swindling rich men & of course, the art stabbing people in the back.
Anyway, Allison seems very smart in her own right. It's not mere coincidence that this prostitution story leaked while Mariah's trying to make her huge comeback. Let's hope Allison's story comes out in primetime fashion.
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Body Double: April (Big Brother 6) & Lisa Kudrow
Saturday, July 9th, 2005 late in the whored-out afternoon while still at work by Moe
It's a stretch, but if it wasn't for April's huge-ass teeth, the body double might have been better.
Why the hell is the Hilary Duff horse-teeth becoming suddenly stylish?! Let's just hope that April had horrible teeth before letting those teeth gallop into her mouth.
Delicious Hiromi Oshima @ The PMOY Party
Friday, July 8th, 2005 late in the damn evening, after tantric sex by Moe
Here's some weekend eye-lollipop for our horny demographic. Who else could possibly taste sweeter than Hiromi Oshima?! I'm sure Varian can comment on the different types of edible items he sucked off of Hiromi's silky bod! Double damn you.
Well, after being down for a bit, I figured I'd go to our roots and leave you people with some Hiromi. It beats staring at Anna Nicole's excess back skin, right?
I have a couple more from the event, so lookout!
